OK here it goes

I must say that before I begin my rantings, if you are allergic to cuss words, read no further!





OK, so I guess I now have this friend, we shall call him Captain Slapdick, and recently we broke up. Or at least I think we did, the fucker sent me a text message saying that we didn't need to see each other anymore. I mean really, what the fuck am I supposed to think? You big pussy, at least call me if you don't have the balls to sit down and talk face to face.


Here is the story.... I went out with my friend Lolita and Smells one night. After we waited for a damn hour for Smells' husband and Lolita's friends to get to the bar we were all meeting at, we decided that we would call and see where all these fuck faces were. We called and called, and every time we got Lolita's drunk dad acting like he was the FCC (Fucking Communications Council) in India. We heard all kinds of comments from Doc (Lolita's dad is the only doctor in the small town we were in), after about 20 minutes of stupid comments, and us not being able to talk to Frodo (Smells' husband) we went to Doc's house. As the three of us get out of the truck we realize that there are no friends and no Frodo. The next thing I know Captain Slapdick is by my side telling us about the two bottles of tequila that the boys including Doc had drank, and then they let them all drive to meet us! Fuckers! Why would you let them drive? This should have been my first indication that Slapdick wasn't the most intelligent person!!!!


So the girls got back into the car and drove back to the bar, but on the way Slapdick started texting Lolita. "OH BB is soooooo cute, would you mind giving me her number so I can take her out??!?!, Can I come out with y'all so I can get to know BB?!?!?!" Well long story short he ended up coming out and we hit it off, for about a month. The whole time, he tried to consume my life.... always wanting to go out with myself and my friends. Going out for drinks with his friends.... My bad Sassy for not being around too much during the month, but it was new and exciting.


Well trouble was around the corner when I found out that he was not COMPLETELY divorced. We got over that, and continued to hang out after the divorce was finalized. And then........ the text message. Mind you it was all after we had spent a weekend together, and no indication things were bad, "Its not you its me. I don't think we need to see each other anymore... but we can still be friends" WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!? Where in the hell did that come from? Do you have balls? You mean to tell me that you are going to send me a text to break up? Stupid ass fucker! What a Slapdick!


Why am I upset? I think I am upset because I don't get dumped. Should have let it go for another two weeks so I could break up with you! He was starting to get on my nerves so I am sure it would have been a matter of time before I fucked him over! That's my job as the smart ass; Sassy, Lolita, and Smells all agree! Now before all of you think that I am bitter, I am not we are still friends and he finally got that stick out off his ass and talked to me. Things are good now. That is the drama that has consumed my life the past week and I just needed to let it out. Thanks!